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xshastax

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I just have to write this down so I don't forget. [Dec. 23rd, 2009|09:36 am]
xshastax
[mood |sadsad]

I know I said my last entry would probably be my last. But I'm pretty sure no one reads this ant more so this is more for me and the future me just so I don't forget. Okay.

Rosie Has end stage liver failure and right now which is the 23 we have to decide if it's today or tomorrow we put her down. Because she's not in pain but she's suffering. I wish the vets office had like free care when you have to deliver bad news. Because we were about to take Rosie home last night for one more night and he was like let me just make sure all your billing is right blah blah blah I'm a dirty asshole. I know it'[s his job but whatever. Since sunday she has been tired and lethargic and barely herself. It almost seems like shes scared or depressed but it's just her body shutting down I guess. She's not herself. EVen when she greeted us. THat was the worst. She didn't greet us like she normally did. And she's not eating. LIke food still in her dish not eating. Which is the weirdest thin ever because Rosie eats. Everythin. EVen when she's not supposed too.

BUt this wasn't supposed to be sad. I just want to remember all the ridiculous things she did before I just try and remember as sad Rosie.

OH God, I remember when we used to go to Saco the first time we went down to the beach she got really confused by the waves and start chasing them and trying to eat them and bark at them. Then everytime we went we would say Go Chase The Waves Rose and she would do it again. Oh yeah and the air when she stuck her head out of a window. She would try and eat that or bit at that too.

She loved car rides. Like it was the best day ever when she got to go for one but she was the most annoying little twit in a car. She would wine really loud and not stay down and would be obnoxious. BUt its was so funny cuz she didn't know where we going but she was more excited than we were.

And her greetings. I loved that when I came home and no one else was home I still got the best greeting in the world. Like somebody missed me so much they couldn't stand it. ANd she used to do that even if you left for like five minutes it was so funny. ANd she knew our names, Steve and Mummy and Marni and Danene. She even knew some of our relatives names and friends names. And squirrel and that the noise you used to call a cat meant a cat was around so she should clearly go investigate.

Or when you sat on the floor that obviously meant you wanted to pet her so she would go sit in between your legs. She would follow my mom around like a shadow. And if my mom wasn't home it always was the person that is. But if everyone was it was always my mom. And when she had a bone she would walk around with it in her mouth for like an hour before she hid it and then if anyone walked near it she would run ahead and grab it before we did.

And she loved her bottle. Which was an empty laundry detergent bottle with a rope that she would swing around like hell. And even hit herself with but she loved it so it was okay. She even used to have this mini basketball she played with but she popped it so it was like half a mini basketball so we got her a new one but she would still only used the mini one. And if anyone started fighting or tickling or something like that she would get right up in your business and get involved because clearly she needed to be.

And whenever someone was running she ran along side them trying to heard them. Ha, and that time she pushed enly off of a cliff. Or she ate brad's whole swedish coffee cake in like 90 seconds. Or unwrapped everyone of danene's individually wrapped candies in a bag in her backpack. Or who we kept having to change our startegy of setting up the kitchen or hiding the snacks so she wouldn't mess anything up. That's why we added that doorway in our kitchen.

She liked grapes but had so much trouble eating them. Like this thing rolling around on the floor definately smelled good but what was going to happen when she would bite it. SO funny. She would always give you kisses when you asked. Or when you didn't. Or sneezed on you, out of affection. Or if you were sitting down, she would just come up and put her head between your knees and her nose down like you just knew you had to pet her.

She tried to eat bees or anything else that flew in the air. ANd didn't care what was going to happen when she did. She was also terrfied of little dogs but big dogs? No problem. Her best friend was this huge mutt named Chubs and whenever we said wheres chubs she immediately went to the door or to the corner of the street facing her  house. And she never left the yard even after the electirical fence broke. She just always knew it was there. BUt other people didn't so she would run to the corner of the yard at top speed and stop just barely at the line and people would be scared to death but we knew she wouldn't go out.

She curls up under the piano bench in her bed too. Its like her bed is more comfy if it's under something. She always knows when it's time for bed to and will automatically go up to my parents room. She hates the crate. But she was the coolest dog ever. The hyper dog version of me. Thats how I used to describe her to people. my first dog from beginning to end and I hate it so much.

I love you Rosie May Balint. Rosie .Rose. Posie Rose. Rosie Pose. Baby. Good Girl. Best dog ever.

  
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...But you didn't want to stick around. [Oct. 22nd, 2009|11:00 am]
xshastax
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |Merry Happy - Kate Nash]

Isn't it weird how life changes?

I wish I was more philosophical sometimes, but I really have nothing else to say. I was thinking about and everything thats happened to me personally over the last year and I'm sitting over being all "Holy shit fuckin' christ" (No offense Jesus, but it's really the only way to describe it) It feels like these types of things should take a longer period of time to happen but what is the alotted amount of time normally given for change?

I have no idea.

I like it, don't get me wrong. Even just sitting here and being like wow over the past year just thinking about the next one is like c-a-r-azy. Like woah. But in good ways.

Just remember, life is what happens when you're busy planning it.

This is not directed at anyone but for some reason it feels like this is for me, like this is the last time I am going to be writing in this and if I ever come back and read it I want it to forever be a reminder that CHANGE IS GOOD. Big letters, fanfare fireworks, here's your sign and all that jazz.

So yeah. Thanks livejournal and your many years of awesome. It's been good.

Over and out, I wish you enough, Love always and forever
Little miss me

Quote: Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them they die.
            I believe in Angels, the kind that heaven sends, I am surrounded by Angels, but I call them friends.
Funny thing: "Nicole, wanna go see Transformers with me?" " Marni, do I want to breathe tonight?"
                      "Go over there." " Go over there?" " Yes Go over there" " I'm not going over there" "Then I'm going over here."
Hero: Nicole, Mom, Dad, Lauren, Brandee, Marc, Erik, Abbey, Danee, MD, Emily, Danene, Eliza, Zoe, Jamiee, Maria, Danielle, Liz,
           Courtney, Lizzy, Alexa, Sam, Paul, Curtis, Kelly, Tonya. I'm sure theres more. There's always more.
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Dear Marni: [Jul. 22nd, 2009|11:27 pm]
xshastax
[mood |draineddrained]
[music |I gotta feeling - Black Eyed Peas]

Here's my sign. Slowly but surely.

Write me letters! Marni R. Balint c/o STMV, PO Box 857, Meredith NH 03253!

Thats it. I've really got nothing interesting. Except for everything. Summer is going quite splendidly. I've been here for almost five weeks - wait four? I lost count but ah well! No worries. I live in a farmhouse with like 15 other people or more, or less, depending on the week. No straight men. Thats a lie. Theres like 5. Most are taken or just sketch buckets. I have once found a moose and some turkeys in our backyard, sit on the roof and watch the stars (when its not raining) late on night. - often with Brandon - pondering all the things that I need to think about. Oh please, watch me wax rhapsodic about my life. We are about to start our fourth show of the season and after SOM theres really nothing that working with seven children that won;t make it look easy. We climbed the hill in our abundant yard to watch seven different versions of firework on the fourth of July, had two epic days off that include boats and the perfect summer day and posing with chinese dragons whilst getting sushi. Went on a boat and found hidden passageways in the lake. And written letters. Speaking of which i need to send some out before i forget...again.

Summary in five miinutes. That doesn't include the stress, the epiclly long strikes and load ins that include making and fixing costumes up until the opening night of show and finally getting extra help in the shop. But its been interesting. A learning experience and awesome new people if nothing else. As well as eye opening for me (PS you, here's your sign again in case you forget or doubt.)

Over and out, I wish you enough

Quote: To happiness. To here and now. To world enough and time.
Funny thing: " Ah the mysteries of a chicken cutlet."   " I love him. He is so inhumanly beautiful -" "Christ?!"
Hero: Brandon, Rachel, Christine, Shamus, Jordan, Danielle, Christian, Curtis, Erik, Kevin, Andrew, Abbey, Steve Colby, Anna
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Anonymous letters, once again. [Jun. 15th, 2009|12:11 am]
xshastax
[mood |annoyedannoyed]
[music |Lifehouse - broken]

Dear Radio Gods,

Kindly, please stop with your accuracy. Also, please stop with the throwing it in my face.

Kthnzbye,
Marni

Over and out, I wish you enough

Quote: Nothing teaches us more about who we are than seeing ourselves in the people we least expect.
Funny thing: Marc burning off his nose hairs. You're a ritard. I didn't know they gave out rings at the holocaust! You're a vapid ass hatt. You're a vagina face. Guys that doesn;t sound very nice. It's okay, we both know it's meant with love.
Hero: Marc, Emily, Tonya.
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Run with me, dream with me, pray with me, fall with me. [Jun. 10th, 2009|11:12 pm]
xshastax
[mood |ridiculous]
[music |I gotta feeling - Black Eyed Peas]

"You long to do what you want to do because you want to do it."


Over and out, I wish you enough

Quote: Happy after, once upon these days.
Funny thing: "How did you come by this?" "Persuasion." "Friendly?" "Decidedly not."
Hero: Emily Marc.

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Let's do it. Woohoo. [Jun. 9th, 2009|01:21 pm]
xshastax
[mood |infinite]
[music |I gotta feeling - Black Eyed Peas]

Do you prefer Starbucks coffee or small cafe coffee? 
Well due to the fact I actually dislike all forms of coffee I’m gonna go with neither.

Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? 
No. Mostly because I am allergic to all metals except silver and gold which makes me look expensive and really, all my ears are doing are like “AhhHH NO CHEAP METAL I WILL OOOOOOOOOZE.”


Do you enjoy being outdoors? 
Yes.

What is your opinion on today's celebrities? 
I don’t really pay attention to most celebrity gossip. Unless Nicole tells me something. Or if I look up something that has to do with a personal interest of mine.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a guy/girl? 
Yes.

Gay marraige, love is love or a horrible stand against God? 
Love is love is love.

Do you believe in a superior being? If so, who? If not, why? 
I believe in a higher being. Not sure what it is beyond that. I try and explain it occasionally and it makes so much more sense in my head.

How many spelling bees have you participated in? 
One in like 6th grade which I failed.

If you could change your name to anything, what would it be? 
Jubilation T Cornfield Victor Von Doom III Her Schtieffel Esquire. Or Mona.

Do you like musicals? If so, which one is your favorite? 
Indeed I do. I love The Last Five Years with a passion. But have recently gotten addicted to In The Heights, Legally Blonde, and the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.

Do people tell you that you have an accent? 
Only if I leave
New England.

Do you feel awkward around large groups of people? 
Not usually.

How many times have you been to a zoo? 
Several

Road trips or traveling on an airplane? 
Roadtrips are epic with people you want to have a roadtrip with. Planes get obnoxious after the first half hour. 

Do you cuss? 
Yes. Usually its only around people I trust though.

Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July? 
Indeed. Especially last year was quite epic.

What are some unspeakables for you? (Subjects that make you awkward) 
I am not sure. Subjects that make me feel awkward are subjects I usually have a strong opinion on and wouldn’t open certain cans of worms in front of certain (a.k.a. most people) so yeah.

Your opinion of root beer? 
FAVORITE SODA.

Do you like rollercoasters? 
SO. MUCH.

Which is better; being single or being in a relationship? 
Both have certain advantages. But I haven’t been in a relationship for so long and would like to try that again. Soon.

Is there anyone you would take a bullet for? 
Yes.

Do you enjoy tanning? 
I don’t tan. I play outside get burnt and then turn tan the next day.

What is your favorite word in any language? 
Shasta. Forever and always

Are you a virgin? 
Unfortunately.

Have you ever seen The Breakfast Club? What is your opinion of it? 
It is a fantastic teen movie.

Have you ever touched a dead body? 
Yes.

Which of the seven deadly sins do you commit the most? 
Rage.

Do you consider yourself overweight or underweight? 
Overweight.

Who is your celebrity crush? 
Hugh Jackman. Oh lordy, hugh Jackman.

Right now, what is your dream career? 
That person who chooses music for movies or tv shows.

If you had to choose between killing your best friend or significant other who would you pick? 
I wouldn’t

What is your opinion of Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana? 
She’s a Dumbass Twat Waffle. Or a DTW if you will.

Did you have a Furby when you were younger? 
Yeah. And it would not shut the hell up.

Abortion; mother's choice or murder? 
Completely pro-choice over here.

Did/do you get good grades in English class? 
Yes.

 
Have you read any poems by Edgar Allen Poe? Did you enjoy them? 
Yeah

Do you have a stereotype? 
Unique? Loud? Enthusiastic?

What part of your body are you self-concious about? 
Depends on the day.

Would you shave your head for a million dollars?
Probably.

Do you think you've grown as a person since this time last year? 
Yes. Hardcore, slap in the face yes. Last years seems LIGHTYEARS away.

Do you get bothered by what people think of you? 
Not really, no.

If you could change one physical trait about yourself, what would it be? 
The way I’m more like my dad than my mum.

Are you impressed by people with good voices? 
Yes.

Would you ever work at a fast food restaurant? 
I don’t know. Maybe if I was desperate.

When was the last time you fell in front of a lot of people? 
Almost like everyday.

Do you like your smile, or are you unhappy with it?
I’m a big fan.

If you were starving on a freezing mountain, would you eat your friend? 
Maybe if we traded fingers or something.

Do you judge people harshly? 
If I think they deserve it.

Would you become a vegetarian if you had the willpower to do so? 
Probably not. I like meat.

Out of all your friends, who can you count on the most? 
Depends on what I need to count on someone for.

Do people who say they're depressed bother you? 
Yes.

What do you think of hunting? 
Depends what you’re hunting.

Why is your favorite color your favorite? 
Purple makes me happy. You can use purple for any mood, just different variations of purple. Like lilac is soft and sweet and romantic. Bright purple is happy and fun. Dark purple, almost black, is angry. I like it.

White lies aren't dangerous; true or false? 
False.

Have you ever ditched your friend to hang out with someone else? 
Perchance.

Do you pretend your crush is with you when you're home alone? 
No…that’s really sketchy.

Are you more mature than your age implies? 
Sometimes.

Are you a grammar nazi, or are you fine with improper English? 
No I am not. (I've never invaded Poland over poor grammar, so no – P.S. Emily I Love you)

Music taste; screaming and distortion or sweet voices and acoustic guitars? 
Depends on my mood.

Do you enjoy thunderstorms? 
Sometimes.

Are you happy with your height, or do you wish you were taller/shorter? 
I feel pretty good about it. Sometimes feel a little too tall.

If you became a doctor, would you help your patients kill themselves? 
If I felt the situation called for it I probably would


Are you good at haunted houses, or do you scream your head off? 
I do not like any form of scary entertainment.

Would you ever willingly go on an MTV/Vh1 reality TV show? 
Probably not.


Have you heard of Susan Boyle? If so, what do you think of her? 
She has such a beautiful voice.

If you've seen it, what did you think of the Twilight movie? 
Makes it more bearable if you have read the book – you actually understand the thought process behind everything instead of guessing!

Do you tan, burn, or go through the process of burn/peel/tan? 
Burn then tan. Usually skip the peeling stage.

Would you rather be called babe or darling? 
Darling sounds good.

Does the movie Titanic make you cry? 
Yes.

Have you ever caught a mistake in a movie? 
Yeppers.

Have you ever seen that munchkin who supposedly hangs himself in the Wizard of Oz?
No…

Are you afraid of the future? 
Sometimes. When I think about it too much.

If you won $1,000 every week until you die, would you still go to school? 
Yes. I’d just be able to pay for everything and have oodles of left over money and get to do whatever job I wanted.

Would you still get a job? 
Yes.

What does the world owe you? 
The world doesn’t owe me anything.

What trend has been getting on your nerves lately? 
Bright colors in clothes is now okay. I’VE BEEN DOING THAT FOR YEARS!

What very small thing has made you hugely happy? 
Random text messages.

Can you read body language well? 
I’m pretty awesome at it.

What do you think about girls who don't wear bras? 
Aw-kward. Also I think its supposed to be really bad for the breasts.

Do you strive for perfection? 
Usually.



Over and out, I wish you enough

Quote: Nothing ever happens like you imagine it will.
Funny thing: Thats what she said. The photo booth with amy, lizzy and josh all trying to fit and not. "People here probably hate us for being so loud..." "We are patrons too!"
Hero: Marc, Lizzy, Amy, Josh, Tonya and Emily
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(no subject) [May. 27th, 2009|10:54 am]
xshastax
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |99 Times - Kate Voegele]

Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No seriously that shit is HILARIOUS!

I love friends. They make me smile and I love hugs. I love seeing people I've missed. It makes everything pretty much awesome.

Over and out, I wish you enough (not you though)

Quote: Friendship is buoly on the towering structure of trust and once thats gone, what do you have to lean on?
Funny Thing: Slutsayswhat? I'm sorry what? I didn't here what you said just there.
Hero: Emily, Marc, Nicole, Tonya, Lizzy, Chelsea, Sarah Dussault, MD, Brandee, Chrissy, Danene yeah.
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This will never ever times inifnity get old [May. 19th, 2009|12:18 am]
xshastax
I love the first night my whole family is back in the house. It always starts out the same and I love it. All standing/sitting around the island talking, making dinner, laughing, ignoring rosie or teasing each other. Usually one of the best nights ever.

Over and out, I wish you enough

Quote: Happiness is finding your dreams and making them come true.
Funny thing: This is my girlfriend. We're on a date. She's pregnant - can we get some free food.  Yeah - wha....?
Hero: Tonya, Marc
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A.L.MOST. D.O.NE [May. 11th, 2009|09:01 pm]
xshastax
Two and a half more daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays... Almost done. Finish Set Design. Finish research paper. Finish studying for Musicianship final. Then pack and pass everything in the sleep ALLLLLLL DAAAAAAAY FRIIIIIDAY.

Over and out, I wish you enough

Quote: I can resist everything except temptation.
Funny thing: Me and danielle and her making up her song about her closed door and then singing it Barry Manilow style. And then " I will take on of my pencils and make sure it is sharp enough and i will throw it out you so it hits you in the face and gouges out one of your eyes..." "That was WAY to descriptive."
Hero: Brandee, Lauren, Maria, Danielle, Emily.
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Because I'm cool and have nothing better to do to occupy my mind for...12 and a half hours more. [May. 1st, 2009|11:35 pm]
xshastax
[Current Location |EVERYWHERE...AT THE SAME TIME]
[mood |restlessrestless]
[music |Maybe we just made love - i love you because]

"There was no inflection!" "I will inflex!"

What you should do is write that persons name on a piece of paper and fold it up and put it in your shoe because you'll be walking on them all day and then you flush it down the toilet.

But its there. And will continue to be there. And will continue to hit you hard in the face with irony. But it helps. Because you know in some way shape or form. It helps. Because it takes the pressure of you, and puts it into something that is easier to describe what your feeling.

And sometimes i want to find the author who wrote it and slap them in the face and hug them hard at the same time. Because they make sense...and you usually don;t want them to make sense.

"oh, when the day is blue
i'll sit here wondering about you
and how the pollen fell
all around your face in strange yellow patterns"

You said the way my blue eyes shined,
Put those Georgia stars to shame that night
I said: "That's a lie"

SAWEEEEEEEEEEEEEET
             (I don't rememebr what happened this day that made me post this, but thats all that was there. Was this one word with the elongated syllable and it made me so happy. So I'm going to be that again.)

I don't like being able to do nothing about something. Even when that something bugs the bloody hell out of you.

I don't like not being able to not put things into words.

I don't like it when people correct me when i talk. Most likely if i said it i knew what was coming out of my mouth but i still wanted to say it.

" But i just want to hold your arm"
" You're tickling me"
"i'm not tickling you"
"You are so tickling me"
" I was pretending to and then you moved"
" i did not move"
"you so moved! Why would i tickle you?"
" You definaytley would have"
"Stop lyiong"
"But..."
" But nothing" But i just want to hold your arm..."

Apparently i'm the perfect definition of insnaity

"Do you girls no what a swiss army knife is?"
"Of coruse we do"
" No mom we dont"
"daddy...whats a knife?"
"mommy...whats swiss?"

"Denine valentine! Its like I LOVE YOU except better."

Good morning!
Its not morning.
Clearly you dont know marni.

Sweeet. Awesome. Vey cool. why would you tell me something like that?

When i see Galaxies in space fly by...
I know i shall never die
For eventually i shall be a piece of them through eternity.

I don't know why but I decided to go WAY back in my entries and just pull a few things that made me happy or smile. And I was even reading some of the comments, and there was this one post I had, a memory post, and one person posted (her name is cynthia and i haven't seen or spoken to her in forever but we went to theatre camp together once and she was bomb diggity awesome so if you're reading this I hope you are well and hi! *waves*) And she said that she remembered me wearing colorful scarves. Everyday. And it made her smile. And I thought about it for a second, and I realized I stopped that for some reason and I don't know thinking about it now if I like that...

Over and out, I wish you enough

Quote: "He who does not weep, does not see."
Funny thing:"Wait let me think" " DOn'te hurt yourself now, you havent for a while."
Hero: MARC AND BECKY! DUH! BEST SURPRISE EVAH
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